The First Seven Days After Discovery

Our Story

We had been out with friends the night before.  My wife and I were coming off a Whole-30 eating plan in the month of January, so we had not had a drop of alcohol in over 30 days.  The next morning I woke up and realized I wasn’t going to be functioning very well.  Little did I know.

My wife said she was going to run some errands around 10 AM.  I didn’t think anything of it.  In reality, she was heading off to a nearby hotel to meet the other man and have sex.  Around 11:45 am, my phone blew up with calls from the other man’s wife.  You see, they were pretty good friends of ours.  I couldn’t imagine why she was calling me non-stop for five straight minutes.

I had finally had enough and was about to answer my phone when my wife stormed into the bedroom out of breath.  She sat down on the chair in our room and took off her wedding ring.  Then she dropped her head towards the floor and said the words I will never forget, “I’ve been having an affair”.  My world instantly and totally crumbled into a heap of burning ashes.

Does This Sound Familiar?

We were seven days from our 17 year anniversary.  We were both Christians and only three years prior to this revelation, I was a pastor at our local church.  How in the world could this be happening to us?  How could this be happening to me!  I started in with all the questions.  Who?  How long?  How many times?  Did you have sex?  How could you do this to our kids?  Did you not think about what you were risking?  Why?  Why?  Why? The tears just streamed down my face.

The answers were crushing. It had been going on three months. They had done it in hotels and in both our cars. She didn’t know exactly how many times…there were many.  This guy was a friend. He and I went out several times to hang out. Our families went camping together. This was a deep betrayal on so many levels.

After about thirty minutes, I couldn’t take any more.  I asked her to get out of my sight.  I was repulsed.  A few hours later I told her to come home and pack her bags.  I could not have her under the same roof.  I purchased her a one-way ticket to fly out of state to her brother’s house. She didn’t fight me. My mom drove her to the airport in what I consider the “drive of shame”. My parents were the first people I told.

healing watersLet Your Healing Begin

It is really a miracle that I can sit here now and relive this story without tears.  It will be two years next week since my day of discovery.  Yes, we are still together and by God’s grace, doing well.  I let her come back home about seven days after discovery.  That week allowed me some space to think, pray and get counsel from trusted friends.  It also allowed me to determine whether she was truly sorry and repentant.  I knew that she was.  It is possible for someone who loves you deeply to hurt you deeply.  I knew that she still loved me and was willing to do anything to save the marriage.

Why am I sharing this?  These may seem impossible to you right now: trust, hope, living without fear, to forget, less pain, being loved again, victory, confidence, and a better marriage. But with God, all things are possible (Matt 19:26).  What if you could just take all your fear, hurt, worry, pain, pressure, bad thoughts, and negativity and release it to God? Can you? Will you?  “Trust in the Lord your God with all your heart. Lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your path straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6

If you are struggling with the devastation of adultery/infidelity in your marriage, please consider following our Facebook page Overcoming Adultery and joining our closed Facebook support group Christian Help for Adultery.

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