I’ll never forget the first night alone in bed after learning hours earlier about my wife’s affair. I felt desperately alone and wanted someone to understand my pain. I searched social media frantically to find some Christian help for adultery. When I didn’t find much, I settled on a Facebook group that focused on helping those affected by infidelity. I quickly spilled my guts to total strangers and you know what, it felt good. I wasn’t alone.
Fast forward two years and I’m learning more and more about available resources for those at ground zero of discovering their spouse was unfaithful. I’ve found books, support communities, and a specific counseling program that I can highly recommend. All are found on our Support page and I will continually update these for you.
Counseling will be absolutely paramount to the rebuilding of your marriage and the rebuilding of you. In the beginning, I would try to just rely on the Lord and my personal daily meditations with Him. It was great and much needed but I often found myself in dark places struggling with feelings I couldn’t reconcile. After wrestling for days and even weeks by myself I would eventually visit with my counseling pastor or seek professional advice. Don’t try to walk this road alone and without Godly counsel.
The most profound counseling experience I had came in the form of a seven day program offered by author and long-time counselor, Dr. Harry Schaumburg. He is an expert specifically in the areas of adultery, pornography and sexual sin. Through his ministry, Stone Gate Resources, he has developed a brief intensive Biblical counseling program for people like you and me. I cannot recommend this program highly enough.
When I showed up to Dr. Schaumburg’s program, I was very bitter and angry. I was fighting the idea of even trying to save my marriage. Was it worth it? Could I ever stay in this relationship with my wife? I left the program with lots of hope. Dr. Schaumburg helped me revisit what the Bible says about marriage, love, intimacy, sex and healing. The Holy Spirit showed up in a powerful way and I knew that God was clearly speaking truth through Dr. Schaumburg.
There are lots of people affected by infidelity. As a moderator on two online support forums, we get multiple requests every day of people wanting to join and find solace for their hurt. What was missing for me was a forum specifically dedicated to offering Christian help for adultery. So I created one.
Christian Help For Adultery is a Facebook group offering hope and encouragement based in Christian values and God’s Word. Perhaps your friends or family are telling you to dump your spouse- and quick. While most Biblical scholars would agree that God allows for divorce in cases of infidelity, is that was God specifically wants for your marriage? On our forum, you will find other Christians who are trying to answer that question by seeking God’s will.
The last thing I really wanted to do the first year of my recovery was read about the subject of adultery. It was simply too painful. So I’m glad I waited. My first read was “Adultery: The Snare of the Affair” by Jane Hunt. This was a simple read and focused mainly on Biblical principles reassuring my journey and faith. A great start!
Two other books I read were “Healing Your Marriage When Trust is Broken: Finding Forgiveness and Restoration” by Cindy Beall and “Unfaithful: Hope and Healing After Infidelity” by Gary and Mona Shriver. Both are written from a narrative style that recounts their journeys towards healing. The stories are powerful but often very painful. I found myself sucked right back into my own memories that I was trying daily to forget. Ultimately, these books are absolutely worth reading. They offer great hope but they may be difficult for you to read.
Please know that you are not alone in your journey. And most importantly, God wants to walk with you every step of the way.
The Lord hears his people when they call to him for help.
He rescues them from all their troubles.
18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted;
he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.
19 The righteous person faces many troubles,
but the Lord comes to the rescue each time.
Psalms 18:17-19 NLT